Omissions are betrayals...

Hypothetical question-If you do something that feels so right in the moment, but is so wrong in retrospect, but you DON'T feel guilty......is it still wrong? 

I suppose I should have prefaced this by saying, When I pose a hypothetical question, it means that I've done something extremely stupid and got myself into big trouble and am trying to get ideas on how to get out of the situation without admitting that I'm in that situation.

I know that what I have done, should be considered wrong, and the fact that it can potentially affect so many different lives if it continues is what worries me most.....I find myself wondering if I am conscience free. Things that seem to greatly affect other people don't have any sway over me. I can feign concern, disappointment, disgust, and worry. But at the end of the day, I am still that girl who is OKAY with everything she has done. I have enough self control that I truly believe, if I didn't want to do it or say it I wouldn't have....okay, so maybe my mouth gets miles ahead of my mind, but I have the common decency to go back and correct what I could have said with more tact, or waited to say all together. 

So, Why, when it feels so right to me and elicits pure joy and excitement, does the rest of the world say it is taboo and I should feel guilt? Further more, why is this fogging my brain? Could it be I feel guilty? No, I am more concerned with her finding out in the worst way, when i should be the one to tell her. But if she doesn't know, it really isn't hurting her. Besides, she knows 80 % of the story... I just left out the naughty bits. I am protecting her delicate feelings. Is that really such a betrayal? I have to believe that some omissions are for the greater good.

I am not a bad person. I am flawed just like everyone else. I push doors clearly marked pull, I laugh even harder when someone asks me to explain why I am laughing in the first place. I walk into a room and forget why I went in there, I lie to hide the pain, I say it is a long story, when in reality I just don't want to discuss it. I cry a lot more than anyone thinks I do, I get attached to people who show they care about me even a little. I take things way to seriously at times, and I definitely over think every situation....

I don't think things are simply right or wrong. It is always more complicated than that. So Should I keep my secret, or tell? The thing I keep forgetting, is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. The problem with secrets, is even when you think you're in control, you're not...